"IT FELT SO RIGHT, NOW IT SEEMS SO WRONG..."
Someone asked, just this morning, "Will you marry yourself in your
present state?" What she means: If you take a good look at your
character, personality, finance, etc, and you come to marry yourself
(assuming yourself is another person), can you in all honesty agree to
that marriage.
This got me thinking! And I remembered what a pastor once said. He
said that everyone is looking for a person that meets 100% of what
they want in a spouse but find it difficult to locate. He further said
that everyone's 100% exists but the problem is that even when you meet
them, you may not even be up 20% of what they want in a spouse!
Hmmm! Everyone is searching for perfection. Everyone is looking for
THAT special one. The questions are: Are you perfect yourself? Are you
a special one yourself?
You are unmarried, gallivanting from one bed to the other. When your
time comes, will you look for your kind? Or will you go for that
fruitless search for a modern-day Virgin Mary? And even you. Yes, the
holy you! Are you sure your holiness is out of Christ-kind of
determination or is it because no one is/was interested in you?
Why am I saying all these? It's not to condemn but to draw our
consciousness to the power of the mind. It is there that the battle is
either won or lost when it comes to sexual issues. Take it or leave,
every relationship (I could have added the qualification
"heterosexual" but today even homosexuals are part of it) starts with
infatuation! In other words, it starts from the mind where you devise
and deploy tools through which you will execute your enterprise on
your prey. Even in our part of the world where women are mainly
docile, their silence is inundated with amorous activities, only
betrayed by occasional smiles of acquiescence and slight body
movements of submission; mainly obvious to the careful observer.
Now if it all starts so right, why do they sometimes feel wrong down
the road? The answer is simple: the mind! It has been starved of the
type of material(s) it was fed with at the beginning.
You ask me how? I can only say a little, the much I know.
The first problem is FAMILIARITY. Familiarity breeds contempt, they
say. And I agree. When you become so familiar with your bf/gf/spouse
(forgive me if I left yours out), you take him/her/it (for bestials,
is that what they are called?) for granted. You begin to lose the
charm that brought you together in the first instance, like bringing
flowers, buying chocolates (I am a culprit here), going out for
dinner, being spontaneous! Yes, spontaneity! When we lose this, things
become monotonous, regular and uninteresting! Your relationship
becomes very predictable - that's so not good.
The second problem "could be" finance. Whoever tells you that money
isn't important in relationships, he or she is telling part of the
truth. Even whores have to be paid. Am not saying you must Dangotise
yourself! No! But money is a huge factor. I don't mean that the more
money you have, the better your relationship. What I mean is that the
lesser your ability to make ends meet, the more bitter you would be
towards your partner. When you are persistently unable to satisfy the
financial needs of your partner, your sense of achievement diminishes
and it won't be long before you start subconsciously taking it out on
him/her/it. Did I hear you say, "She wants no Ferrari?" But she ain't
gonna go naked or wear tattered clothes. Where's gonna get 'em if you
won't provide none?
The final one I know is sex. Is sex a problem in relationships? Yes,
it is. How? Ask your dad!
PS: As for me, too much of it; too little of it or none if it at all,
could be a problem. That's why we need to work on our minds, people!
present state?" What she means: If you take a good look at your
character, personality, finance, etc, and you come to marry yourself
(assuming yourself is another person), can you in all honesty agree to
that marriage.
This got me thinking! And I remembered what a pastor once said. He
said that everyone is looking for a person that meets 100% of what
they want in a spouse but find it difficult to locate. He further said
that everyone's 100% exists but the problem is that even when you meet
them, you may not even be up 20% of what they want in a spouse!
Hmmm! Everyone is searching for perfection. Everyone is looking for
THAT special one. The questions are: Are you perfect yourself? Are you
a special one yourself?
You are unmarried, gallivanting from one bed to the other. When your
time comes, will you look for your kind? Or will you go for that
fruitless search for a modern-day Virgin Mary? And even you. Yes, the
holy you! Are you sure your holiness is out of Christ-kind of
determination or is it because no one is/was interested in you?
Why am I saying all these? It's not to condemn but to draw our
consciousness to the power of the mind. It is there that the battle is
either won or lost when it comes to sexual issues. Take it or leave,
every relationship (I could have added the qualification
"heterosexual" but today even homosexuals are part of it) starts with
infatuation! In other words, it starts from the mind where you devise
and deploy tools through which you will execute your enterprise on
your prey. Even in our part of the world where women are mainly
docile, their silence is inundated with amorous activities, only
betrayed by occasional smiles of acquiescence and slight body
movements of submission; mainly obvious to the careful observer.
Now if it all starts so right, why do they sometimes feel wrong down
the road? The answer is simple: the mind! It has been starved of the
type of material(s) it was fed with at the beginning.
You ask me how? I can only say a little, the much I know.
The first problem is FAMILIARITY. Familiarity breeds contempt, they
say. And I agree. When you become so familiar with your bf/gf/spouse
(forgive me if I left yours out), you take him/her/it (for bestials,
is that what they are called?) for granted. You begin to lose the
charm that brought you together in the first instance, like bringing
flowers, buying chocolates (I am a culprit here), going out for
dinner, being spontaneous! Yes, spontaneity! When we lose this, things
become monotonous, regular and uninteresting! Your relationship
becomes very predictable - that's so not good.
The second problem "could be" finance. Whoever tells you that money
isn't important in relationships, he or she is telling part of the
truth. Even whores have to be paid. Am not saying you must Dangotise
yourself! No! But money is a huge factor. I don't mean that the more
money you have, the better your relationship. What I mean is that the
lesser your ability to make ends meet, the more bitter you would be
towards your partner. When you are persistently unable to satisfy the
financial needs of your partner, your sense of achievement diminishes
and it won't be long before you start subconsciously taking it out on
him/her/it. Did I hear you say, "She wants no Ferrari?" But she ain't
gonna go naked or wear tattered clothes. Where's gonna get 'em if you
won't provide none?
The final one I know is sex. Is sex a problem in relationships? Yes,
it is. How? Ask your dad!
PS: As for me, too much of it; too little of it or none if it at all,
could be a problem. That's why we need to work on our minds, people!
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