Why Guys Don't Propose Fast Enough

http://www.reception-wedding.com/wedding_rings.htm

I have been refusing to blog on this for a long time for fear of being misunderstood.
But the barrage of complaints for a number of affected friends has not abated.
Let me use this story to buttress my point.
Please note that the names have been changed not to point at any individual living or dead.




Adaku has always been a reserved girl. Right through Secondary School and her early university days, she kept away from associating with certain kind of friends especially girls who do not think like she does and guys. Her upbringing has been under the strict and conservative instructions of her parents. But in the university she meets Haruna, a handsome, intelligent and promising young man who was a year ahead of her in the University. One thing leads to another and before long, they were dating steadily. Their relationship continued from her 3rd year in the university till seven years afterwards. Now, Adaku isn't very sure about the state of things in her affair with Haruna. They are both working, but Haruna has a better job, a  comfortable accommodation and  a car. Before he started prospering, he has always reassured Adaku that once he settles down that they will tie the knot. But it is the reverse that is taking place. Adaku is confused, helpless and too scared. She has given everything into the relationship. Haruna is the only guy she has known both emotionally and sexually all her life. Her greatest fear, she says, is having to start all over again. Everyday she keeps wishing that Haruna will propose and she cannot just bring herself to ask him to.




I don't blame a Nigerian lady who becomes a little bit desparate when her guy isn't saying any concrete thing about tying the knot after over two years of repeatedly "sampling the goods."
The competition is very high for the lady because while she is giving everything for a particualr relationship which she prays will work, there are guys by the sidelines dangling the goods for her to abandon ship and pair off with him. He can even also propose before she even accepts to go out with him. But wisdom asks the question: "What of the ones you are gone out with and probably the one(s) you are presently dating?"
So, the young lady decides to burrow in. But her guy isn't saying it and she can't just ask him or she will be seen as a desperado!
Why now?



In defence of some of the guys, shying away from making this matrimonial plunge and opting for the unsettled multi-sampling, though very detestable, is not something that they don't want at all.
The economy is not very favourable!
Most Nigerian guys do not have the privilege of having well-to-do parents,
Which means that after the scrounging effort through university education, and with no automatic employment, before he eventually settles down for marriage, he will be pushing his 30s, for the lucky ones.
When he gets the job, the primary goal is to pay his parents and siblings back in some way
Or else, he will branded an ingrate.
With the poor salaries, even with the deceptive banking jobs, that will take about two to three years.
So before marriage comes to his mind, the lady that would have been favoured may vave become "too old" or   "too common," all because of over-familiarity!


If this is not your own case, then maybe you have a guy who has everything materially, but what you fail to see is that he is not ready spiritually.
A man that cannot keep to his woman is actually trying to hide his cowardly inferiority complex problems.


But I have some issues with my Nigerian sisters.
I am a champion of gender equality but I do not believe that equality is something you receive. It is simply something you take by stating your terms and following it through.
Why do you have to sit around and wait for a man to come propose?
Some ladies even believe that marriage is the easiest route out of economic woes and unemployment in the country.
Pity!
When a relationship goes sour, the man strides off in pride and the woman shame-facedly tries to melt into the wall in stealth. This is because you condone it.
A person who does not ask questions often loses his/her way, according to an Igbo proverb.



Having said these, my advice to Adaku:


(1) Ask him bluntly whether there is any part for you in his future and demand for a yes or no answer.


(2) If it is a "yes", ask him to give you a specific timeline - for God's sake, it is her life we are talking about. You can't put it on pause for another person's.


(3) If it is a "no", take a proud walkout and determine to correct your mistakes in the next venture. He will definitely come back ... but, be careful because another Igbo saying is: "If you break a rope and tie it together, it will not be the same as the original length." I will adamantly say no (personal opinion, though)!


I said these things because our girls are often satisfied with insinuations, suggestions, and assumptions. Things like: "He didn't say he will marry me, but he has always suggested it!"
I don't believe that is admissible in law. Ask him, there is no shame in it.
In the days of our parents, it would have been a taboo!
In our days, I make bold to say that if our parents were faced with half of what Nigerian youths grapple with today, they would have done worse.
You will agree with me that some of them even has husbands before they were aware of the importance of the slit between their thighs!


Guys do not propose fast enough because of one thing: YOUR SILENCE
And they say, silence means acceptance!