SOME MARRIAGES THOUGH ... "WTH" IS WRONG WITH SOME MEN?
This couple always quarrel. I haven't seen such a dysfunctional
marriage a this close range. At one time, they fought (verbally, I
think) around 3.00 am. The wife left the house, returned after about a
minute or two, put their less than one-year old baby on her back and
left, on foot. At 3.00 am!
The man came down moments later, entered his car and drove off too. Of
course, he didn't go after her because he was away for a couple of
days and I saw his car (or one that looked like it) parked every
morning at a hotel beside my son's school. The woman came back at dawn
because there were three other children to take care of.
The most recent development: with a child that turned a year-old in
December, this woman, at 38, was delivered of her fifth baby in mid
January. She spent the rest of that month and a better part of
February in the hospital because the baby came at a little less than 7
month through CS. On her return, she dutifully announced her innocence
by carefully putting the blame on her husband and narrating how she
almost died and how he didn't care at all. (Note that I am sticking to
the facts of the story and not the annoyingly fantastic hearsays
making the rounds in the neighbourhood).
This man is around now, after a long time of absence. It hasn't
escaped my notice that he's not in speaking terms with his wife
(rumour has it that it's been so for over 3 months) and they live in
the same house when he is around. The wife duly speaks evil of him
openly to the neighbours maybe in a feeble effort to absolve herself
of any blame. But am always wary of what my friend, Toyin, calls "The
Danger of a single story." While we say all this, note that the eldest
child from this marriage is 7+, there are three males and now two
females, and this couple is financially stable - above average. He's
into several businesses and his children go to one of the most
expensive schools in the town.
Why did I wake up this blessed early Sunday morning to blog about this
family? Far be it from me that I'll gloat or gossip purposelessly
about anyone! Over gini kwanu? Every marriage has its challenges
including mine. And every good couple try to make the best of their
situations without washing their dirty g-strings (forgive me!) in
public.
Last night at 11.00 pm, I was woken by the noise of very loud music.
It is unusual even at noon to hear sustained noise around here.(Don't
think it's one of those highbrow areas o, it's just around these newly
developing, half-bush half-developed sites ... Hahahahaha!). At first,
I thought it was this other "showman" neighbour washing his car (jeep,
forgive me) and playing music that loud. So as I got up to pee (my son
will say), I checked through the window and discovered that it wasn't
that neighbour but the one I was telling you about earlier. And no, he
wasn't washing his car! He was just sitting in it and playing
Perikoma's music so loud, with the doors open, at close to midnight. I
scanned the car park and discovered that the "showman's) car (sorry
again, jeep) was blocking him. So I sensed what was happening was that
he wanted to go out that late and the other guy refused to come and
move his car (sorry, the third time, jeep) for whatever reasons! There
are so many: he had done same to the "showman" in the past, and maybe
he quarrelled with his wife again and wanted to leave. Note that he
didn't come back the previous night (am not monitoring him, my bedroom
window just overlooks the car park, TRUE! And I came in very late to
see my space and his still vacant) And last night he came back early,
very early unlike before!
Ladies and gentlemen, that blaring music kept interrupting my sleep,
dream and all till 4.00 am when he woke up, I guess, put off the music
and went up to his flat. That was when I started this blog post.
Am done with their story!
Why do we stay in a loveless marriage in this society and then
transfer our aggression on other people? Imagine disturbing the entire
neighbourhood with loud music the whole night just because you are
pissed off by someone? I saw on AIT or Channels a couple of days ago,
a man sentenced to death for stabbing his wife to death in 2011. And
the man was singing hymns of praise and falling on the ground and all!
I don't know the full story but resentment can do more harm to an
individual in the long run especially in marriages.
Immaturity, not age-wise, but in handling issues, is another
wahala-causing agent in marriages. For crying out loud, why involve
anyone in my marital issues either directly or indirectly? Will the
person be joining us in the bedroom too?
I don't like divorce! I don't pray for it! I don't wish it on any
marriage! But do you know that sometimes when a feuding couple
separate for a while, they could begin to see why they need each
other? Am not a marriage counsellor and I don't have a wahala-free
one, but I have come to know that a little bit of selflessness keeps
wahala at bay - "I don't want/like this but because of the love I have
for you, I won't mind!"
Love is not automated! It has to be worked on/at. If not, it dies out
easily and can take a very long time to be blown into embers of
passion again. African men should learn this, sacrifice our ego and
disturb our neighbours less for our inability to love properly. Note
that what is outside always seem sweeter than what is regular but when
the "outside" becomes regular, what happened to the first "regular"
will SURELY happen to the subsequent and other regulars!
marriage a this close range. At one time, they fought (verbally, I
think) around 3.00 am. The wife left the house, returned after about a
minute or two, put their less than one-year old baby on her back and
left, on foot. At 3.00 am!
The man came down moments later, entered his car and drove off too. Of
course, he didn't go after her because he was away for a couple of
days and I saw his car (or one that looked like it) parked every
morning at a hotel beside my son's school. The woman came back at dawn
because there were three other children to take care of.
The most recent development: with a child that turned a year-old in
December, this woman, at 38, was delivered of her fifth baby in mid
January. She spent the rest of that month and a better part of
February in the hospital because the baby came at a little less than 7
month through CS. On her return, she dutifully announced her innocence
by carefully putting the blame on her husband and narrating how she
almost died and how he didn't care at all. (Note that I am sticking to
the facts of the story and not the annoyingly fantastic hearsays
making the rounds in the neighbourhood).
This man is around now, after a long time of absence. It hasn't
escaped my notice that he's not in speaking terms with his wife
(rumour has it that it's been so for over 3 months) and they live in
the same house when he is around. The wife duly speaks evil of him
openly to the neighbours maybe in a feeble effort to absolve herself
of any blame. But am always wary of what my friend, Toyin, calls "The
Danger of a single story." While we say all this, note that the eldest
child from this marriage is 7+, there are three males and now two
females, and this couple is financially stable - above average. He's
into several businesses and his children go to one of the most
expensive schools in the town.
Why did I wake up this blessed early Sunday morning to blog about this
family? Far be it from me that I'll gloat or gossip purposelessly
about anyone! Over gini kwanu? Every marriage has its challenges
including mine. And every good couple try to make the best of their
situations without washing their dirty g-strings (forgive me!) in
public.
Last night at 11.00 pm, I was woken by the noise of very loud music.
It is unusual even at noon to hear sustained noise around here.(Don't
think it's one of those highbrow areas o, it's just around these newly
developing, half-bush half-developed sites ... Hahahahaha!). At first,
I thought it was this other "showman" neighbour washing his car (jeep,
forgive me) and playing music that loud. So as I got up to pee (my son
will say), I checked through the window and discovered that it wasn't
that neighbour but the one I was telling you about earlier. And no, he
wasn't washing his car! He was just sitting in it and playing
Perikoma's music so loud, with the doors open, at close to midnight. I
scanned the car park and discovered that the "showman's) car (sorry
again, jeep) was blocking him. So I sensed what was happening was that
he wanted to go out that late and the other guy refused to come and
move his car (sorry, the third time, jeep) for whatever reasons! There
are so many: he had done same to the "showman" in the past, and maybe
he quarrelled with his wife again and wanted to leave. Note that he
didn't come back the previous night (am not monitoring him, my bedroom
window just overlooks the car park, TRUE! And I came in very late to
see my space and his still vacant) And last night he came back early,
very early unlike before!
Ladies and gentlemen, that blaring music kept interrupting my sleep,
dream and all till 4.00 am when he woke up, I guess, put off the music
and went up to his flat. That was when I started this blog post.
Am done with their story!
Why do we stay in a loveless marriage in this society and then
transfer our aggression on other people? Imagine disturbing the entire
neighbourhood with loud music the whole night just because you are
pissed off by someone? I saw on AIT or Channels a couple of days ago,
a man sentenced to death for stabbing his wife to death in 2011. And
the man was singing hymns of praise and falling on the ground and all!
I don't know the full story but resentment can do more harm to an
individual in the long run especially in marriages.
Immaturity, not age-wise, but in handling issues, is another
wahala-causing agent in marriages. For crying out loud, why involve
anyone in my marital issues either directly or indirectly? Will the
person be joining us in the bedroom too?
I don't like divorce! I don't pray for it! I don't wish it on any
marriage! But do you know that sometimes when a feuding couple
separate for a while, they could begin to see why they need each
other? Am not a marriage counsellor and I don't have a wahala-free
one, but I have come to know that a little bit of selflessness keeps
wahala at bay - "I don't want/like this but because of the love I have
for you, I won't mind!"
Love is not automated! It has to be worked on/at. If not, it dies out
easily and can take a very long time to be blown into embers of
passion again. African men should learn this, sacrifice our ego and
disturb our neighbours less for our inability to love properly. Note
that what is outside always seem sweeter than what is regular but when
the "outside" becomes regular, what happened to the first "regular"
will SURELY happen to the subsequent and other regulars!
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