I DON'T WANT SOME "SMELLY SHIT"

Diet is everything
They say, "You are what you eat."
And I agree

 I sent someone very close to me 
What I ate for dinner last night
And the response I got was:
"Is that food? It looks just like snack."

 Of course, I understand the import of that question and statement...
We are used to heavy eating

 When it is carrots. We make sure that the weight of the Hausa man's barrow of "karros" is considerably reduced before we let him go.

 We don't normally deal with broccoli. 
But judging by what we do to other vegetables 
I am sure a piece of broccoli in a plate of food
Served my grand parents, for instance,
Might cataylse catastrophic altercations

 And pasta? We can take a whole packet, depending...

 But that place of curry stew
With diced, well-cooked salmon,
I tell you... is yummy

 My topic directly refers to another meal
Actually, dessert that we had somewhere else

 Someone was going to tell another person...
Note: none of them is me
... that one of the four cheese on the plate 
is smelly

The smelly shit/cheese is the one partly covered by the glass

Somehow, because we were all exhausted that evening
What came out was:
"That's a smelly shit," 
instead of "That's a smelly cheese."

I am actually concerned about shit; my own!

 Before I left my hotel yesterday
I went to release some things
When I got up from the fine seat
It shockingly occured to me
That those those ... em ... 
What do I call them now?

 Well, you know what I mean

 Do not look like the ones I am used to
They have become totally unfamiliar:
As if I just helped somebody else
to offload his or hers...

 This got me thinking

 How could I have lost two distinguishing 
characteristics of my "you-know-what"
Within a space of less than a week?

 Even if mine is separated from me,
I know the texture (mostly harder than it is now)
And the perfume, aroma, fragrance (choose the one you prefer)

 Note: mine doesn't smell (you may choose to ask the person who knows)
It is perfume
I assure you, you will like it around you
Especially when it is fresh!

 I simply remembered that my diet has changed
And that way, everything associated with it
The Moroccan Mechoui! The Belgian and Dutch food I really savoured 
And the coffee, cereals and baguette sandwiches
Have really altered and re-arranged me

 Well, I do hope that once I get back and assume my usuals
My belly will assume its proper shape
Fragrance, aroma, and configuration
It has become greatly re-shapen here...

 There is hope!



 PS: What did you really think I was referring to?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"My Husband washes my Undies"

My country is indeed an interesting place! I read with consternation as a couple of women reportedly emerged on social media to announce to the world what their spouses do and whatnots. I believe the whole noise came off one of the events on the ongoing BBNaija show where one of the contestants reportedly washed the pants of his love interest. And the dying-to-be-distracted throng of Nigerian youths started another session of tantrum throwing on the internet over whether Neo (so is his name) should have or have not washed Vee's (I hope am correct) panties. And the stuff even made it to  Premium Times  and BBC .  So much noise about nothing, if you ask me! This is not the first time this is happening. In a previous season of BBNaija, another housemate sparked controversies for washing the undies of his love interest. A lot of internet perfectionists came out with condemnations or adulations. Others came with nothing. I call it the dying-to-be-distracted throng. The mass of...
Read more

Why Guys Don't Propose Fast Enough

Image
http://www.reception-wedding.com/wedding_rings.htm I have been refusing to blog on this for a long time for fear of being misunderstood. But the barrage of complaints for a number of affected friends has not abated. Let me use this story to buttress my point. Please note that the names have been changed not to point at any individual living or dead. Adaku has always been a reserved girl. Right through Secondary School and her early university days, she kept away from associating with certain kind of friends especially girls who do not think like she does and guys. Her upbringing has been under the strict and conservative instructions of her parents. But in the university she meets Haruna, a handsome, intelligent and promising young man who was a year ahead of her in the University. One thing leads to another and before long, they were dating steadily. Their relationship continued from her 3rd year in the university till seven years afterwards. Now, Adaku isn't very sure ...
Read more

Learning Deutsch

The first time we arrived purposely to learn German, we were so enthusiastic. For me, I haven't really sat down to learn a new language, perhaps because there are no formalised institutions for learning Nigerian languages as in Germany. And that strikes me as odd! No one seems to have discovered that we could actually create formalised outlets for learning some, if not all, of our 250 languages. If that had existed, I could have spent time learning good Hausa formally in the six years that I spent teaching in Gombe.  But again, there is yet another snag: why would one pay, sometimes heavily, to learn a language that perhaps has little or no global presence? People have been learning German, French, Spanish and Portuguese, and they are now learning Chinese even in Europe. Why? The people who own those languages have some value or so they think, that those who are learning their language want. Take a look at English language. Even with Brexit, a lot of European nations are still sc...
Read more