The Naija Lootitudes

(According to the Gospel of Naijalooters)


(1) And seeing the
multitudes,Corruption went up into Aso Rock; and when he was set, the
politicians came unto him. And he opened his mouth, and taught them,
saying:


(2) Blessed are the clueless in wisdom; for theirs is the
Presidency of the nation.


(3) Blessed are they that rig elections, for
they shall be elected.


(4) Blessed are the thieves; for they shall
inherit the National Assembly.


(5) Blessed are they which do hunger and
thirst after public funds; for their accounts shall be filled.


(6) Blessed are the bribe-takers, for they shall obtain in foreign
currencies.


(7) Blessed are the Petroleum Ministers, for they shall
loot in subsidies.


(8) Blessed are the bootlickers, for they shall be
called the Federal "Executhief" Council.


(9) Blessed are they which are
prosecuted for corruption's sake; for theirs is the kingdom of
wealth.


(10) Blessed are ye, when EFCC shall invite you, and
interrogate you and bring all manner of charges against you, for my
sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad; for fat are your accounts in
Swiss banks. For so they prosecuted the politicians which were before
you.


(11) Ye are the thieves of the nation; but if the thief have lost
his craftiness, wherewith shall he be looting? It is thenceforth
good for nothing, but to be charged to court, and be sentenced to
prison.


(12) Ye are the liars of the nation, a lie that is carefully
thought-out cannot be found out.


(13) Neither do politicians cook big
lie, and serve it to SaharaReporters, but to NTA; and it gives false
hope unto all that watch the
9pm news.


(14) Let your gowns
so flow before men, that they may see your big loots, and glorify your
father which is in Ota.


(15) Think not that I am come to arrest the
fuel marketers. For verily, verily I say unto you, till heaven and
earth pass, one naira or one kobo shall not be left in the Federation
account.






Contributed by Ozi Okoli

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