Izuu's Turn

This will be brief because it is a question and I won't mind answers. Can we quantify the number of people that have died in the Arab Uprising? And then the percentage that were killed on Fridays? From Tunisia to Egypt, from Yemen to Syria, from Libya to Pakistan, most deaths are on Fridays. WHY? I ask because it has come to my country too. Those who live in the north are always wary of Fridays, especially those who are not in the majority. WHY? I may not have the statistics on the tip of my fingers, but why bomb the UN headquarters in Abuja on a Friday? Since when did holy days become dying days? Bombs now go off in mosques and churches on Fridays and Sundays respectively. And the perpetrators do these in the name of ... do I even know because I believe God didn't create certain people so that other can practice sadistic killing on them. Or did He? And to think that we're in the holy month of dedication and fasting. And on a holy day too? Someone bombs others, a...

NDTV has suddenly become my favourite Tv station due to Anna Hazare, a 74 year old who is on a fifteen-day fast to protest high corruption in his native India. What a courageous act! I salute his dedication and commitment to ensuring that the rights of common peoples are not treacherously subsumed in the gluttony of the kleptocratic few. Corruption no doubt ensures that what is due to the many ends up in the hands of the few. Away from India and Anna Hazare, I have been wondering: how many 70+ public figures in my country will go the way of Anna Hazare? I have taken a census of all of them and arrived at a decision that most of those that could do that are the ones responsible for the rot in the system. Of course, not the old men that were calling each other "fool" and "bigger fool" the other day. There shameless name calling just made our national problem obvious to me: WE NO LONGER HAVE LEADERS WHO HAVE REAL SHAME! A leader who has shame will not plunde...

It is in our nature as humans to lay claims to territories we do not own. I just discovered that we erroneously pretend to know things that we do not necessarily know. And what a day to find this out than on my birthday. It's 24th August again and goodwill messages are already flying in, including the much dreaded HBD (I remember someone making a comment on FB that HBD sounds somewhat like HIV & AIDS). But certain mind-boggling questions keep tearing at my insides: How am I sure it's my birthday? Am I truly a conscious witness to my being born on August 24th ... how many years ago, sef? The bottom-line question is this: How do we know that we were born when we claim to have been born? It's a simple one. For most of us, our mother told us. Our mothers do not only tell us when we were born, they are also the true custodians of our truest paternity. Don't raise that eyebrow! Hear me our first! How does a man lay claim to...

My mother started it. We were watching a Nollywood movie. An older woman was holding the hand of a younger man, in the industry's characteristic way of contrived heterosexual intimacy, and mom asked whether these actresses ever have the hope of getting married. On further prodding, I was surprised that this mother of mine who produced an artist in me, has a bias against performers especially as regards matrimony. My mind could not help itself from reeling at the thoughts of other professions where I have had the same concerns as my mother. Let's talk about banking and bankers! Or should I not? Without delving into details, those who know are aware that the term "marketing" as regards banking in Nigeria is nothing short of what I call corporate hawking of sex. In a bid to meet stiff deposit targets set by their employers, "marketers" of both sexes break boundaries of decorum as their bosses connive with silence. Yet like bees to honey, people flo...

If I was Nigeria's president as UK streets were being set ablaze, the following are the official measures I will take immediately: On the second day of the disturbances, I will ask the Minister of Foreign Affairs to release a travel warning for Nigerians intending to travel to the UK. As the crises enter the third day, I will ask the same Ministry to issue another statement asking Nigerians in the UK to check in with the High Commission in preparation for possible evacuation, should it become necessary. The fourth day will definitely find me talking tough. I will ask the British Foreign Office to ensure the safety of my country men in the UK and will not forget to add that if my country records any mortality that we will not take it lightly. By the next day, I should have about 10 British-owned Virgin Nigeria waiting at Heathrow to bring my people home. Shocker! No one wanted to come back. The airplanes flew back empty because even in the midst of UK civil turmoil some o...

Strange things seem to have become the order of our days in recent times. The world has been buffeted ceaselessly by sundry disasters ranging from the very natural to the overtly human-made extermination of the lives of innocent by-standers. The tsunami, the suicide bombings and terror attacks, the nuclear meltdown of both Chernobyl and Fukushima and the resultant mortality volume have since become morbid actualisations of the fears of the Cold War. In other words, the pattern of our existence has shown that both threats and their substantiations come from different directions. For example, America was eternally scared of a nuclear attack fro the USSR. Not even their scientific soothsayers could conceive an Osama in the offing. Permit my hyperbolised sense of perception. It in this very mode that I viewed the London riots which has duly spread to other parts of England. Whatever the cause, we have been conditioned to expect a suicide bomb in Europe or America. We can also ...

Have you read The Sun newspapers today? The headline story is quite gruesome. Night travellers from Lagos to Abuja, about 50 in number, waylaid by night marauders, asked to lie face down on the asphalt as they are robbed, and then crushed to death by oncoming trucks and heavy buses! This is the much I can take of the gory details. But this is not the first time this has happened, nay ... my bad! This isn't the first time this occurence has been reported. Even in this present reportage, we are told that this kind of tragedy took place two years ago on the Lagos-Sagamu Express Way. I still remember the official police reaction that trailed that earlier report: "The incident never happened. The pictures were computer-generated!" I didn't know what to think then. And it isn't any better now! What do I say when I am told by the very people that should protect me that there is no cause for alarm, when alarm sirens accompanied by flashing red danger light are...

On Sunday, the 2011 version of Big Brother Africa tagged "Big Brother Amplified" came to an end. Among the two winning participants was a Nigerian, Karen. Permit me to say that the other winner, Wendall from Zimbabwe, came as a total shock to me. Since the dawn of BBA on the African continent, Nigeria and Nigerian contestants have come a very long way. Most especially, since the Richard/Ofunneka saga which pitted the organisers of the show against the Nigerian legislature over issues bothering on explicit content. Since then, Nigeria has been coming up tops in the competition. I am not questioning the integrity of the results. I have no basis whatsoever to doubt their veracity. I in also aware that when it comes to Africa, Nigeria is a giant even when crawling on its knees. The nation and its people can take whatever prominence they want to take so long as Africa is concerned. Unfortunately, the country's major drawbacks come mostly from the nitwits that have ...