A Night at the Villa

I am writing this from Nigeria's seat of power. It's 02:38 am; the very time I am normally fast asleep and dreaming dreams of dreaming! I have to write this now before I wake up in the morning and discover I wasn't in the villa at all; that it was just one of those dreams! When I left the south today, it never crossed my mind that I will be passing the night here. I didn't plan to be here at this time, it just came by chance! 

I can guess at what is going on in your mind already: Izuu has gone to see the President! For want of an appropriate emoticon, this will do: hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... 

For where? In fact, the part I am at may not have crossed the President's cleaners' minds in the past four years! I am making this clarification for those who might be planning to kidnap any of my relatives for ransom. I DID NOT SEE THE PRESIDENT! NEITHER DID I SEE ANYONE THAT SAW HIM ON MY BEHALF!


Now to my point!

Being inside what is called the Villa, really opened my eyes to a huge part of the reason why our leaders do not feel our pains. There is just a single reason for that: they do not experience it!

Number One: Since I came here, there's been light and I was told that it is permanent! Where I came from, there's been no light for over a week because a power line is down. And we have been in permanent darkness. Where I came from also, once small breeze blows, the lights will go off. Reason: lightning and thunder are not good for electricity. Since I came here, wind has blown, thunder has shaken the foundation of the house and lightning has done its worse so much so that my hosts complained, and yet the Villa light resisted all the threats!

Number Two: Tap runs permanently. There is no overhead tank which is higher than the building and no water pumping machine. Yea, it runs in my own house when there is light and it can be pumped from a borehole. Woe betide me if the sumo develops problem. I can't say the same for the generality of Nigerians.

Number Three: I just went to take a leak and decided to go outside only to discover that the front door isn't locked and the front gate is ajar. I was reminded of the time I arrived with my beautiful chauffeur (she'll surely assassinate me for either the adjective or the noun and/or both), no gate person and we stood outside for a long while till we could call my host. With the stern-looking, heavily armed mix of potpourri security personnel manning the main entrance, I do not think they should be bothered. Outside here, trying leaving your front door open in broad daylight alone and you'll have stories to tell.

Number Four: In a corner of the room where I am, there are eight bags of rice neatly stacked against the wall. Need I tell you that I lifted the remaining portion of the bag of rice at home with one hand and little effort just this morning: a reminder that a new bag will soon become a need. Do I need to expatiate on this? There's no functional kitchen in this house and there are eight bags of rice remaining, I guess, from a larger number!

Number Five: There's free Wi-Fi service here! Little wonder I can post a blog. The last time I did was March 7th after which my modem internet subscription expired. Here it's not only free, but fast. Just on the outskirts of the Villa, I have access to three free Wi-Fi. Chai! This is injustice! How can you be wasting internet services on a minute part of the nation when the majority of the people have to pay. The last time I enjoyed free Wi-Fi services, the signboards didn't read Nigeria!

Number Six: Do I need to talk about the spacious, well-paved and neat streets or the functional street lights? Do I need to refer to the palatial homes just after the first gate, that are well-furnished and grander than the much I've seen elsewhere? Do I need to say that I haven't seen any mosquito or heard one whine around my ear? Do I also say that no cockroaches have shown face here and murdered two in my own house just this morning? Do I need to insinuate that the occupants of these homes pay nothing because everyone in the Villa is a tenant and the landlord (Nigerians) is barred from coming in to collect rent? All you need to get a home here is to know the right person(s) not necessarily the landlord. Chai, again! 

Number Seven: The poorest mobile network service in Abuja might possibly be in Aso Rock. You might think it's false, but I may be right! The say the reason is because they (whoever they are) do not want masts in the Villa. Do not be deceived! It is  for a reason. Apart from being insulated from radiation, there's every possibility that the land lines are working. Nigerians believe that because everyone has a mobile phone that we have improved communication. But the reverse is the case! Good communication network is cheap, functional and effective land line service augmented by GSM and not the other way round.

Number Eight: No taxis are allowed and no one treks. It's a rare sight to see someone trekking on the grounds of the villa. There are no taxis. No keke. No okada/achaba/inaga! If I had come here with a taxi, I would have been deported to Congo! Thank God I had a charming chauffeur. See as the guards smiled at her and were so so nice. Assuming I had arrived with my bia-bia, in a taxi, and carrying that shameless bag that its handles decided to break on the day I was going to the villa, only heaven knows what would have become of me. Don't you think that the think that we all have cars? Isn't that the reason why the ban okadas and keke at will?

In one night that hasn't even ended, these I have seen. If I stay longer, I don't know what else I will notice ... I may even get to meet the very oga on top (did I really say that? Promised myself I would not blog on that subject). I hope one benevolent oga will read this and usher me in to see oga on top at day break. That is why I am being "political" too! For want of emoticon too zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzleep time!

Comments

Anonymous said…
ahhh... there! you've had your share of the fabled national cake; it's the closest to it most of us can get. 9c piece sir!
19 May 2013 at 10:06
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